Would you mind taking that tank off?

I have heard that question a lot when it comes to fitness photo shoots. I usually have no problem whipping that bad boy off in order to flash the 6 pack that I crushed myself to attain, both in my lack of eating and my over abundance of working out. But this time the question will be a little different and I am a little reluctant to whip off my clothes simply because I have been eating, a lot, and have been lacking in the workout department.

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I don’t got that going on right now…so about those imperfections…

Today I got an email from my agent at Maggie, Inc for a requested go-see at Reebok for what other than an underwear photo shoot. REALLY?! An underwear shoot?? I don’t even like to be in my underwear alone! And now I have to get half naked for people I don’t even know? I don’t know whether I am in a – ridiculously excited pee in my pants giddy – mood because it has been almost 2 months since my last gig and I LOVE modeling (I’m really not that good at it but that doesn’t matter) or if I am in a – ridiculously holy shit I can’t believe I have to take half my clothes off in the dead of winter when I haven’t been dieting for 6 weeks and look like a ghost – mood. Seriously though, a legit ghost. Can you say Casper? Speaking of Casper, is it weird that the boy he turned into for 1 night is my childhood crush that I did not leave in childhood. I still get butterflies when I watch that scene. Oh if only it were real. Hello heaven.

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Devon Sawa. Will you marry my 12 year old self?

So, all I’m thinking about right now is the half of an apple pie I ate Friday night, the chicken fingers and fries Saturday night, the Rice Krispie treats and ice cream last night, the Rice Krispie treats I’ve eaten today and the thanksgiving feast I will consume tomorrow that will leave me a lifeless blob on the couch. A few coworkers asked me if I am going to start dieting again…I thought about this for a moment and my response shocked them.

“Maybe a little but to be honest, I look the way I look. One week of dieting wont make a terribly large difference unless I go over board and barely eat…clearly NOT what I want to be doing right now.” See it’s funny because I was just telling my dad the other day how happy I was that I didn’t have to diet over thanksgiving this year because I was dieting during thanksgiving AND Christmas last year for photo shoots. Do you know how MISERABLE I was?! If you can’t guess by now, I love food. I adore it. I want to marry it. Which is all odd to me because I used to hate it so much that I didn’t eat it. Not a smart move. So to be deprived over my two favorite holidays when sweets are in abundance and it is suddenly perfectly acceptable to eat yourself into oblivion because it’s such a special time of year, was a blasphemous notion for me.

I mean for heavens sake, it’s the holidays! It’s a time to be merry and jolly and put on 10 lbs just because you can and then tell yourself you’ll start working to lose it on January 1. Why do you think people want a personal trainer more post holidays? 🙂 But for me, last year there was no jolly and no joy around the plain turkey and steamed green beans I was eating while everyone else stuffed themselves like the pillsbury dough boy at dinner and then made it worse by eating desert.

I will NOT let that happen this thanksgiving. Both the miserable part and the stuffing my face part, for the sake of the modeling. Happy medium here. So my extended response to the question of dieting, “The casting is one week away. For me to look how I looked 2 months ago when I was disgustingly lean, would mean I would have to starve myself and work out every free second of my day. No thanks. Will I be more careful over the next week with all those sweets around, yes. But I will not deprive myself of things I love so much.” Long winded I know.

I must admit something though…when I read the email from my agent, I instantly thought “Oh my gosh, am I too fat for this?” I thought of my imperfections, my little blossoming love handles especially. You know the ones that spill over your tight jeans? Death to them. But then I got over it. I didn’t write about my beautiful imperfections and loving them last night to then bail on that whole concept when I find out I actually will have people SEEING those imperfections. Nope, not this time. I really do love my body, even if I am not 13% body fat like I was, which actually made me look like I was a prepubescent child, which is not exactly what you want in your later 20s. I know I have a hot little body, a womanly body actually, and I tell myself that every time I look in the mirror. Am I a little self conscious? I would be lying if I didn’t confidently say hell yes. And I will even go as far as to say that I am a little more than a little self conscious but I am not going to let it ruin my image of my self; of my beautiful, feminine and hard earned body.

That all being said, I just had a bowl of chocolate and regular rice krispies and when I realized I still had milk left in my bowl, I poured some more cereal in. I HAD to soak up all the milk. I just couldn’t waste good milk! I think you all know what I’m talking about, and if you don’t, you’ve never really eaten cereal before…or you know exactly how much milk to pour in your bowl which is just totally lame because you don’t have a sound reason to go back for seconds…or thirds.

Reebok underwear casting call…HERE I COME, imperfections and all. 😉

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