Dating 101

There needs to be a class where they inform you on how HARD dating can be; awful or fun, either way, there really should be something. Yeah, there are articles online that I will admit I read a lot to try to figure out how this whole thing works but at the end of the day I am left baffled.

One thing that stands out the most is the rules!!!! I never realized there were so many rules to dating.

– Don’t give up too much too soon.
– Don’t have sex on the first date or the second or the third but don’t make them wait too long.
– Don’t EVER text first unless you’re in an established relationship.
– Make them chase you – which coincidentally is my favorite because you really can’t MAKE someone do anything. If they don’t want to chase you, they aren’t going to chase you no matter HOW much you attempt to make them want you by being “hard to get”.
– Be hard to get.
– Don’t show that you care.
– Don’t put a period at the end of a text message…..what?!
– Don’t type too much in your texts.
– Be elusive and mysterious.
– Never be the one to send the last text.
– There should be more grey bubbles than blue bubbles in that text conversation that you didn’t start and aren’t going to be the one to end, especially not with a period
– Never be the one to initiate hanging out because if a guy wants to hang out with you, he will make it happen.

And my favorite…

– Don’t be an open book.

Shit. Failed that one.

But let me ask you, at what point in time did everything become about the guy? Why do we have to WAIT for them to text us, to step up to the plate, to chase us? I can guarantee that I am not alone when I say I have found myself more than a few times checking my phone hoping for a text or even going so far as to stare at the text conversation waiting for those 3 little dots inside that little bubble to show me that the guy is texting me. Don’t lie girls, you’ve all been there…and some of you guys too. But really, why has it come to the guy initiating things? Why is it about the guy? Is it society? Am I listening to bad advice? I am not exactly a sit back and wait person so these rules are mind blowing to me.

You are supposed to be mysterious and pretend you don’t care when in reality, you care. I care…a lot. God forbid someone knows you were upset because a boy half broke your heart. God forbid you have emotions. Have I found myself shedding some tears because a guy didn’t turn out to be who I thought he would be? Yup. Have I shed some tears because a guy didn’t text me when he said he would and I was really looking forward to hearing from him? Yup. Have I let it affect my life and bring down my happiness? I’d lie if I said it didn’t at times. But that’s what you learn to do less of the more you get let down.

I spent some time with a guy who was absolutely amazing and he knows it. We had a crazy connection from day 1 but chalk it up to bad timing that he can’t make time for me…or whatever. It’s a bummer, but it’s life. Over the last 6 months I have rekindled my friendships, especially my girlfriends and as I am learning, they are the most important friends you will have. So today I was discussing what happened with this boy with my girl Susan and we were chatting about not only him but just dating in general and neither of us can figure it out.

There are so many “rules” and I just can’t wrap my head around it. I’m not good with following all those rules. If you have a connection with someone and you both know it, why do you need to be so hard to get? And at what point can you let your guard down? Is there a timeline here or is it just what you feel? Because quite frankly the vibe I got from the last guy indicated that we were both ridiculously into each other but timing is everything, right? Which leads me to the things Susan and I came up with that we absolutely HATE hearing…

– Don’t try so hard
– Don’t go looking for love
– He will come when you least expect it. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??!! Am I supposed to expect that he will come when I least expect it? Because then I am expecting it and that advice is thrown out the window.
– Don’t shut yourself off
– Put yourself out there
– Don’t give up too much at first
– He’ll come along eventually (ummm?)
– You deserve the world. Don’t settle….clearly.

And my personal favorite…

You could get any guy you want. Really???? And I’m still single. Weird.

So I think I’ll listen to this advice that a friend gave me….Rules and games aside, just do you. Be who you are and if someone can’t appreciate that from the beginning, they won’t appreciate it at the end.

I like that better than a whole lotta rules. And I like this song a whole lot better than rules….

Dating 101: Just be who you are.