I know I’ve said this before but I am going to say it again. I am fucking proud of myself. Ten weeks ago I started running consistently for the first time in over a year in order to train for The Run to Remember. I set a goal of 1:45:00 because that’s what my goal was two years ago and I beat it with a time of 1:42:45. I was running a 10 minute mile for 3 miles when I started out and it, to say the least, hurt. A lot.
Over the last 10 weeks I have had a lot going through my mind ranging from:
Can I actually accomplish this goal? Did I set one that is too lofty? Why am I stressing so much over this one race? I can’t do this. My legs are heavy. Fuck this, I quit.
I CAN do this. My legs are light as a feather. I am speedy. I am strong. I am going to crush this race!!!!
There have been moments of doubt and moments of belief. I reached out to others for help with my training and for mental and emotional support and I can’t thank them enough. I have had not so great runs and great runs. The last three weeks I stepped up my running intensity because I didn’t feel as though I had taught my legs how to run FAST well enough. I pushed my body more than I have in a year and a half. I pushed it to it’s limits and I came out on top. I surprised myself by running a 7:08 min mile and even further surprised myself during that run with an average pace of 7:31 (I slowed down a wee bit). Again, 10 weeks ago that average was 10 minutes.
At one point in time I really started to doubt myself so I reached out to someone who helped me with my race two years ago when I coincidently was also doubting myself. His name is Chris Heuisler. He was a trainer at Equinox then and is now the RunWestin Concierge at the Westin Hotel. He is a kick ass guy and a kick ass runner. I told him about my running and asked him what the quote was about demons and overcoming them. It was a quote that I had attempted to get right in a prior post about my demons coming out to play. This is what he said to me about doubt and he included the quote:
Kara! Great to hear from you and good luck with the race. I think doubt is fine, but it’s how you deal with the doubt that separates the competitors. The line was, “Sometimes the demons get you and sometimes you get the demons. When you race, it’s your opportunity to say “F*ck you, demons. Not today.” So go out there and embrace the fact that the demons of doubt cannot own you for 13.1 miles. Good luck and thanks for reaching out.
This was what I needed. I needed to know that quote inside and out because I kept repeating it to myself two years ago as I was running at the fastest pace I had ever run. Three days before that race we sat down and came up with a game plan that helped to calm my anxiety and prepare me for the best run of my life.
I ran my heart out in that race. And I intend to do it tomorrow because when I finished and beat my goal, I emailed Chris (after I could breathe again) because this is how I felt:
And this was his response:
THAT is how you run.
I want that same feeling. To know that there was nothing more I could have done in training or in the race. For me, that is the greatest feeling in the world. And that is why I have set this goal. I don’t just want to finish, I want to finish strong, to run my race, to kick ass. So I go into tomorrow feeling the strongest I have felt on this whole journey and more than ready to absolutely fucking crush it.