Four weeks. That is how long until I leave for Italy. When I booked this trip back in September it was kind of on an impulse. I had just finished reading a book by Jen Sincero entitled You Are A Badass: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Live An Awesome Life.
Up until this point I had been constantly thinking about all these things I want to do, a bucket list of sorts and number one on the list was going to Italy. I fell in love with Italy when I was traveling the world for ski racing 10 years ago but that traveling ended when I went to college. I intended to spend a summer abroad in Tuscania, Tuscany after my junior year but life had other plans for me. With a heavy heart I postponed my trip but made a vow to go someday.
As life carried on, my trip to Italy seemed to get further and further away from me. I simply didn’t know how I would ever swing it. Who would I go with? Could I afford it? Can I get time off work? It became more of a fantasy, something I would think about forever as being magical, desiring it with an intensity I can’t explain but never actually happening. Four years ago shit hit the fan in Vermont and I basically quit my life up there and moved to Boston on an impulse. This left me with little money and little time to take a vacation anywhere, let alone to Europe. I hit the ground running and felt like I was in a tornado for a year. Right when I finally felt like I had my feet on the ground, I suddenly lost my footing again 2 years ago.
The ups and downs of work, friends, an on again off again boyfriend, starting and stopping a blog, a hip surgery, getting back on the dating scene, trying to nurse my hip back to health, trying to figure out who I am, what I stand for and where I see myself going. I simply felt lost and as if I was spinning out of control. When I saw Jen’s book in my mothers book case, I knew I had to read it. I was in desperate need of a self-help book but I was sick of the classic and boring, you can do it, rah rah shit that’s out there that I hate to admit I’ve read most of them all. Jen, however, created a satirical, get your shit together and stop complaining self-help book. You want to do something badly enough, you just fucking do it because quite frankly, you’re fucking bad ass. So, I did.
I finished the book, went onto Airbnb and started looking in Tuscania where I had originally wanted to go for that summer abroad but ultimately ended up booking a bed and breakfast in Orvieto which is located in Umbria, conveniently located near Tuscany.
Be jealous. Be very jealous. 🙂
Shortly after that I went onto Rosetta Stone and ordered my Italian learning curriculum for half price! This was all totally meant to be!!! I started studying immediately and was stoked to relearn Italian as I had taken it in college. That lasted about a month until life got busy again. After 9 months, I can confidently say that I haven’t learned a thing. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t actually have/make time for something. It’s on my bucket list, I just won’t accomplish it before I actually GO to Italy, which is conveniently the only time I will really need it.
All that was left was the plane ticket. Purchasing that ticket meant it was really happening.
And yes I had a mini panic attack. But then it hit me. I am going to Italy. I AM GOING TO ITALY!! Something that seemed to only be a fantasy suddenly became a reality. Holy shit. Now I sit here 4 weeks away from embarking on the Italian journey I’ve been dreaming about and talking about for 10 years and I still can’t believe it. I don’t think I will believe it until I arrive in Rome…alone. Holy shit I am going to Italy alone.
I look back on where I was exactly a year ago today and I am brought back to the emotional mess of a human being that I had become because my boyfriend and I were about to break up for the second time. In fact, today was the day that I lost all sense of who I was and it sent us into a downward spiral. In a week we were broken up for good. The day after it happened I left for Florida for some serious rest and recovery. When I returned from that trip I made a vow to myself to focus on me, get my life together and start living in a way that was congruent with who I am, what I want and what I can’t stop thinking about. So, I did.
One year later and I am stronger, smarter, more confident, more independent and more determined than ever to live my life like the badass that I am. And you should too. There’s gotta be something you’ve been dreaming of doing your whole life and if there’s not, what the hell have you been dreaming about? (Money and success does not count). Go out there and be your badass self. Realize how fucking awesome you are. Do the shit you want to do. Life is too short not to. It took me reading a book to see the awesome life that I WASN’T living but needed and wanted to. And here I am sitting 4 short weeks away from living out a 10 year dream.
You go girl.